Will you quit kicking! I am trying to rob this place!
by CBBCHPDWFan
Summary: Lady Christina de Souza is pregnant, heavily pregnant. So what happens when River Song catches her stealing something she owns? What does she do? What happens to Lady Christina and her unborn baby? This idea was requested by someone who is really good at coming up with ideas! Hope you like it, please enjoy and review! :)
1. Chapter 1

Lurking in the shadows in vast country mansion at twenty to midnight was a beautiful young woman with jet black hair that cascaded down her shoulders. In the dark her pale white skin was the only source of light as the hall was so dark. Her name was Lady Christina De Souza. She might be a lady but that wasn't her mansion, in fact most of the buildings she 'visited' she actually had no clue who owned them. Lady Christina scampered across the wooden floor of the grand hall. She had a lot of practice at being silent by tiptoeing across each building. But this time was different, she put more weight on each finally polished floor board increasing the chance of being captured, but that was why she did it, the adventure. Adventures aren't adventures without a little risk.

The reason why she had more weight on each floor board was simple but not quite visible in the dark. She was almost nine months pregnant.

She didn't care though. Well obviously she did care in that sense but it wasn't going to stop her doing the thing she loved, having dangerous thief adventures in her flying bus.

Lady Christina knew that the item wasn't in the hall but in a secure vault in the dining room. Only one thing about that wasn't correct, nothing was secure when she was involved.

So Lady Christina scampered into the corridor and into the dining room. She made sure before any burglary that she got a bkue print of the building. She knew every centimetre of this mansion. Even her perfect exit and entrance which had been and will be the circular ceiling window of the hall that she had wired safely down from before hand.

Obviously her condition did have an effect on her robbing, but she never let anything stand in her way. Lady Christina walked gracefully into the dining room, stopping on the entrance.

"Must be protected." She whispered. She dug into her black leather jacket pocket and retrieved some light black dust. She threw the dust far and they landed elegantly on the invisible scarlet beams making them seen.

"Hmm, let's see if I could do this with a baby." She whispered. She tied up her black sheets of hair up into a ponytail with a black band that was on her wrist.

"I better keep the acrobatics to a minimum." She said, before lifting her leg up and leaping lightly above a beam. She knew where the vault entrance was. It was under the long, grand table.

"Hmm, Mahogany." She stated, quietly. As she leaped over each beam like a gazelle she started planning her root to the table.

"Just a few more bounds should do." She whispered. The last bound managed a creak from the polished floorboard. She squinted, trying to hear any sounds from upstairs where she knew the owner was asleep in one of the big rooms through the maze of corridors.

She gently lifted the long table cloth but let go when she felt something. It was the baby.

"Quit kicking! I am trying to rob a high-class mansion!" she ushered. The baby stopped the moment it heard its mothers voice.

"I wonder what I'll call you." She said to herself before lifting the cloth once more.


	2. Chapter 2

The heavily pregnant Lady Christina was now under the table and ear pressed against the cold metal of the vault door, which was situated on the well-polished floor. She had to admit it was a strange place to keep a vault, but she knew it must be a spacious underground vault and not just a tiny safe like vault. As a thief her hearing had intensified in order to descramble locks on safes and in this case vaults. She knew she had succeeded when she heard the distinctive clicking noise of the unlocked steel door. She carefully opened the door and saw a tiny staircase leading downwards.

"Phase one complete, time for phase two." She whispered to herself.

She carefully walked down the stair case and noticed a red laser on the bottom step; she simply leaped over it and drew in her surroundings. Everywhere was shelves of different valued items. She was only there for one thing though, Queen Elizabeth's Pearls. How the pearls had come in possession of the mansion's owner didn't interest her, all she was interested in was stealing it.

She looked around, browsing the shelves for the item. She finally laid eyes on a class case containing a crimson velvet cushion which seated the delicate cream pearls. The case was at the end of the room. She strolled casually towards the case. Just as she reached her hand out a hand from behind her grabbed her wrist and used it to spin her around. Lady Christina was now facing a woman with frizzy blonde hair and a silk black nightie.

"What have we got here then?" asked the women. Lady Christina gulped as she had been caught by the owner of the mansion. She kept silent.

"I asked you a question!" she yelled.

"Isn't it obvious, I'm robbing you!" Lady Christina yelled back.

"So you're after the Liz's pearls are you?" asked the women.

"Yeah, why'd she give it to you?" questioned Lady Christina.

"I think I should ask you the questions." Said the women. Lady Christina sighed and the woman let go of her wrist.

"My name is River Song, this is my mansion and my vault so who the hell do you think you are robbing me!" said River Song.

"I'm Lady Christina de Souza. And what sort of name is River Song?" asked Lady Christina.

"A fake name." said River Song.

"Why do you have a fake name?" asked Lady Christina.

"Because I do, also why would you rob any place in your condition?" asked River Song.

"Being pregnant doesn't stop someone from doing daily life activities." Said Lady Christina. River Song began to pace, she smirked.

"Your right, it doesn't, but being heavily pregnant does." Said River song.

Lady Christina was about to speak when River Song cut her off.

"Of course being a thief is even more dangerous for you."said River Song.

"What do you know about being a thief?" questioned Lady Christina. River Song smirked.

"Quiet a lot actually, where do you think Liz's Pearls came from? Fell from the sky?"said River Song, she smirked as if enjoying a private joke.

"You stole them?" said Lady Christina.

"Well done! Top marks to the jet black hair heavily pregnant women standing in front of me." Said River.

"Christina." Whispered Lady Christina, annoyed that River Song had more wit than her.

"How did you get here? We are in the middle of nowhere." Said River song, curiously.

It was Lady Christina's turn to smirk.

"You'd never believe me if I told you." Said Lady Christina.

River Song looked at the amused Lady Christina de souza.

"Try me."


	3. Chapter 3

"So let me get this straight you got here via flying bus." Said River, pretending to act oblivious to possible alien technology used.

"Yes." Said Lady Christina.

"Ok then, how does it fly? Pixiedust!" smirked River Song.

"No! _She_ flies via the anti-grav clamps attached to the wheels." Said Lady Christina.

"How could you possibly know about anti-grav clamps, you are human aren't you?" asked River.

"Of course I'm human! How come you know about them?" asked Lady Christina.

"I'll ask the questions, I'm the interrogator and you're the interrogated." Said River.

"Fine, I know about them because I met someone who told me about alien life and helped me and others get home after we got stranded on another planet via wormhole." Said Lady Christina.

"Who?" demanded River.

"He's called…." Managed Lady Christina before she clutched her stomach.

"What?" asked River, worried.

"I think…the baby's coming!" said Lady Christina.

River Song's eyes widened.

River Song and other doctors where wheeling the now screaming Lady Christina to the maternity ward. River Song now realized this wasn't an ordinary thief, this thief knew something and River Song couldn't leave her until she found out what.

As they wheeled her into the room a nurse turned to River.

"Are you family?" asked the nurse. A lie formed in River's mind.

"Yes! I'm her sister! She needs me!" said River. The nurse nodded.

Lady Christina's screams of agony due to giving birth filled the room. Until after a while it was filled with new screams, the type that came from a baby that had just been born. Lady Christina held the baby girl in her arms.

"What will you call her?" asked the nurse.

"I was thinking either Petra or Melody." Said Lady Christina.

"No! I mean no, Petra sounds fine." Said River Song. The nurses left and Lady Christina and River were left in the room with he baby. Christina began cooing her child.

"Ok, hello Petra! Are you going to be sassy and bad like your mummy?" asked Lady Christina, cuddling Petra.

 _What a strange thing to ask a baby!_ Thought River.

"You mean a thief." Said River.

"Look, you can have the pearls back." Said Lady Christina.

"I meant the bus." Said River Song.

"I didn't steal it, well I did kind of but I also kind of was given it." Said Lady Christina.

"By who?" asked River Song, although she was sure of the answer.

"A wonderful man, called the Doctor." Said Lady Christina.

"The Doctor, a time lord from gallifrey who flies a blue box called the Tardis through time and space, battling monsters and saving civilisations and has amazing adventures." Said River.

Lady Christina looked up from Petra. She was stunned.

"How in hell did you know that?" asked Lady Christina.

"I know because I know him too, in fact he's my husband." Said River Song.


	4. Chapter 4

**Final chapter, enjoy and review!:)**

"What?" said Lady Christina.

"You heard me, although because of the complexity of time I don't know if he's married me yet, but I have married him." Said River Song.

"How does that make sense?" asked Lady Christina.

"You don't need to ask that question if you know about flying buses and intergalactic saviors." Said River Song.

"He's married? But when I met him…"

"He's probably not the doctor you know." Said River Song.

"What do you mean?" asked Lady Christina.

"The doctor changes face and everything when he's about to die, it's called regeneration, I do too." Said River.

A million and one questions were swirling her head.

"What?"

"Well he probably changed his face since he saw you and I married the face after the one you met, you get it?" asked River Song.

"Kinda, how come you can regenerate? He said he was the last time lord." Said Lady Christina.

"He is but my mother and father were his companions therefore my mother was pregnant on the Tardis, with the Tardis's energy around her, it affected me giving me the ability to regenerate." Said River.

"I thought this universe couldn't get any stranger." Said Lady Christina.

"Why did you steal the pearls?" asked River.

"What?" said Lady Christina, surprised by the sudden change in subject.

"Why'd you want to steal and risk the baby and you behind bars." Said River.

"Your really want to know?" asked Lady Christina.

"I wouldn't be asking otherwise." Said River Song.

"To be able to afford Petra growing up, looking after a kid is going to be tricky but I am a hundred percent committed, even if it means giving up thieving and travelling in the flying bus." Said Lady Christina, stroking Petra's bald head.

"Well then I have a solution, which ends in you being loaded and me keeping the pearls." Said River Song.

"What?" said Lady Christina, intrigued.

"Are you sure you're committed?" asked River.

"I swear, Petra's my everything now." Said Lady Christina.

"Well the Anti-grav clamps can get a lot and I mean a lot in certain parts of the universe. I can sell them on the intergalactic market and give you the money." Said River.

"Why would you do that?" asked Lady Christina.

"Because anyone who's a friend of the doctor is a friend of mine." Smiled River Song. Lady Christina smiled back.

"I just hope earth's new arrival Petra de Souza will have a fulfilled life." Said River.

"She will, I hope she will." Smiled Lady Christina.

The nurses and doctors arrived back in the room. As the doctor looked closely at the baby to check it was healthy Lady Christina spoke.

"I think she's saying something." Said Lady Christina.

"Her first word can't come along this early." Said the nurse. The doctors and nurses nodded in agreement.

"She's definitely saying something." Said Lady Christina. She then pressed her ear gently against her baby, the nearest doctor did also. It whispered very quietly a single word that made River Song smile.

" _Doctor."_

 **I hope you liked this story, please review if you liked it or even if you want to give feedback even though it's completed. Feel free to read my other fanfics!**


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